No, not even for one contraction

Mothers

Abdullah son of Umar saw a Yemeni man performing Tawâf (circumambulating the Ka'bah) while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah son of 'Umar, "I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O son of 'Umar?"

Abdullah son of 'Umar replied, "No, not even for one contraction"    [ The Single Manners; Bukhârî 1/62]

 The efforts of a man who carries his mother on his back while performing tawâf cannot even repay his mother for a single contraction that she went through for him. Wise indeed was Ibn 'Umar's reply to this man to show him how massively indebted he was to his mother.

Mothers :

This is one of the most convincing things about Islam - the treatment of women in general and especially the high position mothers hold in Islam.

Amongst the clearest examples of Islam's honoring women is the great status of the mother in Islam. Islam commands kindness, respect and obedience to parents and specifically emphasizes and gives preference to the mother as shall be shown in this article. Islam raises parents to a status greater than that found in any other religion or ideology.

The command to be good to one's parents begins right from the Qur'an. Allah says:

"Worship God and join not any partners with Him; and be kind to your parents..." [Noble Quran 4:36]

The mention of servitude to parents follows immediately after servitude to God. This is repeated throughout the Qur'an.

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." [Noble Quran 17:23-24]

The great scholar, Abu al-Faraj Ibn Al-Jawzî (d. 1201CE) explained:

To be kind to one's parents is: to obey them when they order you to do something, unless it is something which Allah has forbidden; to give priority to their orders over voluntary acts of worship; to abstain from that which they forbid you to do; to provide for them; to serve them; to approach them with gentle humility and mercy; not to raise your voice in front of them; nor to fix your glance on them; nor to call them by their names; and to be patient with them. (Ibn al-Jawzî, Birr al-Wâlidayn)

The Qur'an emphasizes the great struggles the mother goes through for her child, to highlight the need for one to reciprocate their parents sacrifice for them:

"And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and his weaning was over two years. Be thankful to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination."[Noble Quran 31:14]

The renowned exegete, Shaykh Abdur-Rahman As-Sa'di (d. 1956), says about this verse:

{And to your parents} meaning, be kind to your parents, shower on them love, affection and piety, both in words and deeds, treat them with tender humility, provide for them and never harm them verbally nor physically. [...] Then, Allah mentions the reason why we should be kind to our parents, when He says {His mother bore him in travail upon travail}, that is, the mother bore constant suffering; in pain and hardship from the first moment she felt the child moving in her womb to the worst pangs during the time of delivery. And {his weaning is for two years}, that is, during these two years the mother breast-feeds her child and looks after him/her. So after all the years of suffering, hardship, love and care, could we not, at least, compensate our mothers for what they have done for us and pay them back their rights? (Taysîr al-Karîm ar-Rahmân fî Tafsîr al-Kalâm al-Manân)

The Qur'an repeats its mention of the struggles of the mother in yet another passage:

"And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims." [Noble Quran 46:15]

In connection to this passage, the late Mufti of Pakistan, Shaykh Muhammad Shafy (d. 1976) wrote: Mother has more rights than father

Although the first part of this verse is a command to do good to both the parents, the second sentence refers only to the hardships suffered by the mother, because they are unavoidable, and no child can be born without them. Every mother has to go through the problems of pregnancy and severe pains of delivery. As against this, it is not necessary for a father that he suffers any hardship in bringing up and educating the child, if he can afford to pay somebody else for these services. This is why the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has given more rights to the mother than anybody else. According to a hadîth he has said,

"Do good to and serve your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the near relatives and then those who come after them."[Mazhari]

"And his carrying and his weaning is in thirty months"[Noble Quran 46:15]

This sentence too describes the hardships suffered by the mother for her baby. It points out that even after suffering hardships during pregnancy and the severe labor pains, the mother does not get respite from toils, because the natural food of the infants is in her breasts, and she has to suckle them. (Shafy, Ma'âriful Qur'ân [Eng. trans.], vol. 7, pp. 795-796)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) continually used to remind his followers of the status of the mother and the obligation of being good to one's parents. The following narration is a beautiful example of the noble position of the mother:

A man came to the Prophet and said: O Messenger of Allah! Who from amongst mankind warrants the best companionship from me? He replied: "Your mother." The man asked: Then who? So he replied: "Your mother." The man then asked: Then who? So the Prophet replied again: "Your mother." The man then asked: Then who? So he replied: "Then your father." (Sahîh Bukhârî 5971 and Sahîh Muslim 7/2)

Commenting on this hadith, Shaykh Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi notes:

This hadith confirms that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gave precedence to kind treatment of one's mother over kind treatment of one's father (Al-Hashimi, The Ideal Muslimah, IIPH 2005, p. 165)

Likewise, the late scholar of Saudi Arabia, Abdul-Azîz Ibn Bâz (d. 1999) comments on this hadith saying:

So this necessitates that the mother is given three times the like of kindness and good treatment than the father. (Majmoo' Fataawaa wa Maqalat Mutanawwi'ah)

He also writes:

The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her, and the difficulties that she has to shoulder - responsibilities and difficulties some of which not even a man bears. This is why from the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude to the mother, and kindness and good companionship with her. And in this matter, she is to be given precedence over and above the father.[...] And I have no doubt that my mother - may Allah shower His mercy upon her - had a tremendous effect upon me, in encouraging me to study; and she assisted me in it. May Allah greatly increase her reward and reward her with the best of rewards for what she did for me. (Majmoo' Fatawa wa Maqalat Mutanawwi'ah)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) also said in a famous narration:

'Paradise lies at the feet of your mother' [Musnad Ahmad, Sunan An-Nasâ’i, Sunan Ibn Mâjah]

What can be greater evidence of honoring women than this? Islam has effectively placed the ultimate reward for human beings in their devotion to their mothers.

Shaykh Ibrahîm Ibn Sâlih Al-Mahmud writes:

Treat your mother with the best companionship, then your father; because paradise is under the mother's feet. Never disobey your parents, nor make them angry, otherwise you will live a miserable life in this world and the hereafter, and your children will treat you likewise. Ask your parents gently if you need something. Always thank them if they give it to you, and excuse them if they do not, and never insist on a matter if they refuse to give you something. (Al-Mahmoud, How to be kind to your Parents, p.40)

It is related from Talhah ibn Mu'âwiyah as-Salamî who said:

I came to the Prophet and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I want to perform Jihad in the way of Allah. He asked, "Is your mother alive?" I replied, "Yes." The Prophet then said: "Cling to her feet, because paradise is there." (at-Tabarânî).

Nidhaam comments:

Cling to her feet means to submit yourself to her, be close to her, protect her, serve her because in this is Paradise and with her satisfaction you will enjoy the good blessings of Allah. (Sakkijihaa, Honoring the Parents, p. 52)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) showed us the importance of serving one's parents in the following narration reported by Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud:

I asked the Prophet, 'O Messenger of Allah, what is the best deed?' He replied 'Prayer offered on time.' I asked, 'What is next in goodness?' He replied, 'To be dutiful and kind to one's parents.' I further asked, 'What is next in goodness?' He replied, 'Jihad in the Allah's cause. [Sahîh Bukhârî, Sahîh Muslim]

Just as the Prophet said that kindness to one's parents was of the best deeds, he also said that disobedience to them was amongst the major sins:

"The greatest sins are to associate partners in worship with Allah, to be undutiful or unkind to one's parents, to kill a soul forbidden by Allah and to bear false witness." [Sahîh Bukhârî]

Even after the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), the Muslim scholars continued to stress the importance of being dutiful to one's mother. By examining the conduct and teachings of the early Muslim scholars, one may see how the direct recipients of the Islamic message understood the command to be dutiful to one's parents. Their behavior towards their parents shows Muslims how one is to implement the teachings of the Prophet on honoring parents.

Abdullah Ibn Abbâs (d. 687CE), a companions of the Prophet and a great scholar of Islam, considered kind treatment of one's mother to be the best deed for strengthening or rectifying one's relation with God. He said:

I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah than kind treatment and respect towards one's mother. [Al-Adab al-Mufrad Bukhârî 1/45]

An even more powerful example is found in the statement of another one of the Prophet's companions, Abdullah Ibn 'Umar (d. 692CE), who was also a great scholar of Islam. It has been related that:

Abdullah Ibn 'Umar saw a Yemeni man performing Tawâf (circumambulating the Ka'bah) while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah Ibn 'Umar, "I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn 'Umar?" Abdullah Ibn 'Umar replied, "No, not even one contraction!!" [Al-Adab al-Mufrad Bukhârî 1/62]

SubhânAllah (Glory be to God)! The efforts of a man who carries his mother on his back while performing tawâf cannot even repay his mother for a single contraction that she went through for him. Wise indeed was Ibn 'Umar's reply to this man to show him how massively indebted he was to his mother. This is the tremendous value and prestigious position of mothers in Islam!

Yet another example is found in the following prophecy of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him):

There will come to you with reinforcements from Yemen a man called Uways ibn 'Âmir of the clan of Murâd from the tribe of Qaran. He had leprosy but has been cured of it except for a spot the size of a coin. He has a mother and he has always treated her with kindness and respect. If he prays to Allah, Allah will fulfill his wish. If you can ask him to pray for forgiveness for you, then do so. [Sahîh Muslim 16/95]

Indeed, later on 'Umar ibn al-Khattâb met Uways who was exactly as the Prophet described, and upon 'Umar's request Uways prayed for him. Commenting on this narration, Shaykh Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimî writes:

What a high status Uways reached by virtue of his kindness and respect towards his mother, so that the Prophet recommended his Sahabah [companions] to seek him out and ask him to pray for them!

All of this indicates the high status to which Islam has raised the position of motherhood, and given the mother precedence over the father. At the same time, Islam has given importance to both parents, and has enjoined kindness and respect to both. (Al-Hashimi, The Ideal Muslimah, IIPH 2005, p. 167)

So great was the Islamic emphasis on parents, that the Muslims considered a great opportunity to attain paradise in service to one's mother. Iyâs Ibn Mu'âwiyah was a famous Islamic scholar from the second generation of Muslims. When his mother died, Iyâs Ibn Mu'âwiyah cried. He was asked, "Why do you cry?" He said, "I used to have two gates open to Paradise, now one of them is closed."

Zayn al-'Abidîn (d. 713CE) was the great grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and also a renowned scholar. He used to treat his mother with so much kindness and love as seen in the following narration:

Once he was asked, 'You are the most kind person to his mother, yet we have never seen you eating with her from a single dish.' He replied, 'I fear that my hand would take the what her eyes have already seen in the dish, and then I would be disobeying her'. [At-Tartushi, Birr al-Wâlidayn]

In other words, he was so careful not to disobey his mother that he would even avoid eating out of the same plate as her; He thought that she would see a morsel and intend to take it, but before she did he might unknowingly take that same morsel and eat it. This is how careful he was to obey his mother in the most minute details.

Another early Islamic scholar, Sa'îd Ibn Al-Musayyib (d. 709CE), was asked about the meaning of the verse "but address them in terms of honor" (17:23). Sa'îd Ibn Al-Musayyib replied:

It means that you should address them as a servant addresses his master.

Muhammad Ibn Sirîn (d. 729CE) used to speak to his mother in a very soft voice, out of respect for her. He was also often seen in the company of his mother and looking after her. (Ibn al-Jawzî, Birr al-Wâlidayn)

All that has preceded shows how the status of mothers - and consequently that of women - is elevated to the highest position in Islam. The honor Islam has given to mothers is beyond that found in any other religion, ideology or culture. This is clear proof of the lofty status of Muslim Women.

Treating parents dutifully

One of the main distinguishing characteristics of the true Muslim woman is her respectful and kind treatment of her parents. Islam encourages respect towards and kind treatment of parents in many definitive texts of the Quran and Sunnah; any Muslim woman who reads these texts has no choice but to adhere to their teachings and treat her parents with kindness and respect, no matter what the circumstances or the state of the relationship between daughter and parents.

The Muslim woman who has embraced the values of Islam is kind and respectful towards her parents, treating them well and choosing the best ways to speak to them and deal with them. She speaks to them with all politeness and respect, and surrounds them with all honor and care, lowering to them the wing of humility, as commanded by Allaah in the Quran. She never utters a word of contempt or complaint to them, no matter what the circumstances, always heeding the words of Allaah: {Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one of both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: `My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.}[Quran 17:23-24]

 

Recognizing parents' status and duties towards them

From her reading of the Quran, the Muslim woman understands the high status to which Allaah Has raised parents, and that it is a status which mankind has never known except in Islam, which has placed respect for parents just one step below belief in Allaah and true worship of Him. Many verses of the Quran parallel pleasing one's parents with pleasing Allaah, and confirm that treating parents well is the best of good deeds after having faith in Allaah. Allaah Says (what means): {Serve Allaah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good, to parents…}[Quran 4:36]

So the Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her religion is kinder and more respectful towards her parents than any other woman in the world; this does not stop when she leaves the home to marry and start her own family, and has her own, independent, busy life. Her respect and kindness towards her parents are ongoing and will remain an important part of her behavior until the end of her life, in accordance with the Quranic teaching which has enjoined kind treatment of parents for life, especially when they reach old age and become incapacitated and are most in need of kind words and good care; Allaah Says (what means): {Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one of both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, `My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.}[Quran 17:23-24]

The Muslim woman whose heart has been illuminated with the light of Quranic guidance is always receptive and responsive to this divine instruction, which she reads in the versesthat enjoin good treatment of parents. Therefore, her kindness and respect towards them will increase, and she will be even more devoted to serving them. She will do her utmost to please them, even if she has a husband, house, children and other responsibilities of her own;' Allaah Says (what means): 

·         {And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him . . .} [Quran 31:14]

·         {We have enjoined on man kindness to parents . . .} [Quran 29:8]

·         {Serve Allaah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good - to parents…} [Quran 4:36]

There are plenty of Hadeeth that reinforce the message of the above quoted versesand reiterate the virtue of kindness and respect towards one's parents, as well as warning against disobedience or mistreatment of them for any reason whatsoever.

`Abdullaah ibn Mas`ood said: "I asked the Prophet `Which deed is most liked by Allaah?' He, , said, `Prayer offered on time.' I asked him, , `Then what?' He, , said, `Kindness and respecttowards parents.' I asked him, , `Then what?' He, , said, `Jihaad for the sake of Allaah.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

What a high status the Prophet has given to parents by placing kindness to them between these two high ranking deeds; Prayer is the pillar or foundation of the faith and Jihaad is the pinnacle of Islam!

A man came and asked the Prophet,  for permission to participate in Jihaad. He asked him, "Are your parents alive?"The man said, "Yes," so the Prophet,  told him, "So perform Jihaad by taking care of them."[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

In the midst of preparing his, army for Jihaad, the Prophet, , did not forget the weakness of parents and their claims on their children, so he, , gently reminded him to take care of his parents. This is because he understood the importance of respect and kind treatment of parents, and knew its position in the overall Islamic framework that Allaah has designed for the well being and happiness of mankind.

Kindness to parents should be practiced both during their lives and after their deaths. After their death, she shows her love and respect by praying for them, giving charity on their behalf, and paying off whatever debts they may owe to Allaah or to other people. A woman of Juhaynah came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said: "My mother owed a month's fasting, so may I fast on her behalf?" The Prophet said, "Fast on her behalf." She said, "She never performed Hajj, so may I perform Hajj on her behalf?" He,  said: "Perform Hajj on her behalf."[Muslim]

 

Respecting non-Muslim parents

The Prophet raised his teachings to a new peak by enjoining the companions to treat their parents with kindness and respect even if they were not Muslims. Asmaa' bint Abu said: "My mother came to me, and she was not Muslim. I asked the Prophet `My mother has come to me and needs my help, so should I help her?' He said, `Yes, keep in touch with your mother and help her.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

 

No to disobedience

Just as the Muslim woman hastens to treat her parents with kindness and respect, she is also afraid to commit the sin of disobeying them, because she realizes the enormity of this sin which is counted as a major grave sin.

Islam paints a frightening picture of the one who disobeys her parents, and this stirs her conscience and softens any hardness of heart or harsh feelings that she might be harboring.

Islam draws a comparison between disobedience towards one's parents and the crime of associating partners with Allaah. Nufay` ibn Al-Haarith said: "The Messenger of Allaah asked us three times, `Shall I tell you the greatest sins?'We said, `Yes, O Messenger of Allaah' He said: `Associating partners with Allaah and disobeying one's parents.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

 

Mothers first

A man came to the Prophet,  and asked him, "O Messenger of Allaah, who among people is most deserving of my good company?" He said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet,  said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet, said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet said, "Then your father." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

This confirms that the Prophet gave precedence to kind treatment of one's mother over kind treatment of one's father. Ibn `Abbaas a great scholar and jurist, considered kind treatment of one's mother to be the best deed to bring one closer to Allaah. A man came to him and said, "I asked for a woman's hand in marriage, and she refused me. Someone else asked for her hand and she accepted and married him. I felt jealous, so I killed her. Will my repentance be accepted?" Ibn `Abbaas asked, "Is your mother still alive?" He said, "No." So he told him, "Repent to Allaah and do your best to draw close to Him."

`Ataa' ibn Yassar asked Ibn Abbaas `Why did you ask him if his mother was still alive?' He said, `Because I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allaah than kind treatment and respect towards one's mother.'"

The Quran evokes feelings of love and respect in the heart of the child, and encourages him or her to treat parents well. It refers to the mother being given precedence because of pregnancy and breast-feeding, and the pains and trials that she suffers during these two stages, in a most gentle and compassionate way. It recognizes her noble sacrifice and great tenderness and care. Allaah Says (what means): {And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: [hear the command]: `Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is [your final] Goal.}[Quran 31:14]

What supreme teaching! What humane, compassionate direction: "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents." Showing gratitude to parents for what they have done for their child comes second only to showing gratitude to Allaah, and is one of the best righteous deeds. What a high status this religion gives to parents!

Ibn `Umar saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka`bah, carrying his mother. The man said to him, "I am like a tame camel for her: I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn `Umar?" He replied, "No, not even one contraction!"

Finally, dutifulness to parents will protect a person from hard-heartedness and ingratitude. What is more, it will open to them the gates of Paradise.